The Power of Confessional Community
Three Gifts from a 7-Month Journey
Nine boxes filled my computer screen, framing faces I had never seen before. Young, old(er), male, female. How it would work was yet to be seen, but these nine strangers embarked on a journey together toward the healing that comes through being known. I was curious and hopeful, albeit a little apprehensive. How intimate and connected could we be through a screen? Why invest seven months with a group of strangers when I already have a solid community of friends who know my whole story and have been in the throes of life with me for over a decade? They know the good, bad, and ugly. They know my sin struggles, sufferings, beauty, and brokenness. They know me. But when the opportunity presented itself to experience one of Dr. Curt Thompson’s confessional communities, I didn’t hesitate.
As someone who has participated in many community groups or studies before and led a ministry for 13 years, I know attrition is part of the deal. Group attendance is often sporadic. Some people never come, and some fade away slowly over time. But not this group. These nine people have shown up every week for the last seven months, even when they were on vacation in other countries. I’ve never before witnessed this level of commitment in a group of strangers who were placed together. It is a testament to the power of an intentional, committed community—even in a digital space.
Over the last seven months, we have listened to one another, grieved and rejoiced with one another, and fought for one another. There were no leaders, only guides. No one was tasked with teaching. No one sat in a position of authority. We were merely a group of brothers and sisters in Christ, locked arm in arm in solidarity. It has been sweet in its simplicity and rich in its returns. Our unity and shared experiences have made us a part of something larger than ourselves.
Perhaps the best way to describe it is that we have participated in a group gardening project. Each week, we visit a plot of land, understanding we are standing on the holy ground of someone’s story. We don’t watch from afar but come near as one of our family begins to till the soil of their story. We don’t attempt to resolve their pain and hurts; we experience it for ourselves—kneeling in the dirt, touching it, smelling it, and feeling it in our hands. We bear in our own hearts, minds, and bodies the pain and longings our brother or sister unearths—naming it, giving voice to things they dare not say themselves.
Side-by-side and with great tenderness, we weed out lies that have grown alongside them for decades, choking out the beautiful life God himself planted within them. Lies born out of rejection, abuse, neglect, silence, betrayal. Lies that whisper, “You don’t belong,”; “You don’t matter,”; “You are alone,”; “You are too much,” or “not enough.” We plant seeds of truth, hope, love, kindness, and compassion. And we celebrate together as we watch new tender shoots of hope, healing, and freedom emerge.
Will we be life-long friends? I don’t know. But we are brothers and sisters who spent seven months investing in one another in ways we will celebrate together for eternity. And for that, I am profoundly grateful.
This month, I reflect on a few life-giving truths I gained in a confessional community. Through sharing these truths, I hope you, too, encounter Jesus and experience his love and care.
Three Gifts I Will Carry With Me (and I hope you will too)
After meeting for 26 weeks and investing over 40 hours in one another, measuring this group's impact on my life is hard. I am sure that will continue to unfold over time. But there are three gifts I am sure I will carry with me.
1. “And she told him her whole story…”
Have you ever felt desperate for Jesus? Desperate for just a glimpse, to see that he is present with you? Desperate for his comfort and care? Desperate for his healing touch on the tender places in your life?
The Gospels tell the story of a woman who experienced that kind of desperation. In Mark 5:21-34, a man named Jairus, a leader in the synagogue, approached Jesus, fell at his feet, and begged him to come to heal his dying daughter. As Jesus went, large crowds surrounded him, pressing in on him from all sides. When this woman, who had been bleeding for twelve years, realized Jesus was among the crowd, she knew she had to get to him. She had suffered much, spent all she had, and was worse, not better. So, with great courage and desperation, the woman pressed her way through the crowd, grabbed the fringe of Jesus’ clothing, and was immediately healed. Though he was on his way to heal someone else, he stopped to find out who had touched him. Knowing what had happened to her, she came forward…and she told him her whole story (v. 33).
I’ve always loved this story because I know that kind of desperation and because I’ve come to know Jesus as the healer. But as my friend Sue processed through a part of her story during one of our gatherings, she drew our attention to that last part of verse 33, and it has resonated ever since.
Jesus was on his way to heal someone else, the dying daughter of a desperate father. Two people desperate for Jesus—one, the ruler of a synagogue, and the other, a woman whose condition would have prohibited her presence in the synagogue for twelve long years. And both mattered to Jesus. He showed no favoritism to the one with power or without it, the one clothed in priestly honor or the one cloaked in uncleanness and shame. And yet, knowing that a young girl was dying, he stopped and took the time to listen to this woman’s whole story. This interaction tells us much about who Jesus is and what matters to him.
Jesus is not too busy for you! The details of your story are not too much for him. He cares about every aspect of your life—the abuse, overwhelm, rejection, betrayal, abandonment, loneliness, anxiety, chronic pain. Nothing is insignificant to him. He is more than willing to listen. To all of it! You can tell him your whole story without fear. You can share your sins and sufferings without shame and disgrace. You can approach him with faith, believing he will listen to every jot and tittle.
Today, know that Jesus is waiting to hear your story. Whether you're experiencing triumph, tragedy, joy, or sorrow, he is there, ready to listen with compassion and love. Don't hesitate to approach him with your whole heart, just as you are. In his presence, you may find the healing, comfort, and peace you've been seeking. Remember, no matter who you are or what you've been through, your story matters to Jesus.
2. “Daddy listens when I talk and lets me linger on a walk.”
Profound truths are often buried in plain sight, but discovering them requires us to be present in the moment and attuned to the whispers of the Spirit within us. My friend Suzanne has the kind of wisdom that comes from that presence and attunement. During one of our meetings, she shared a rich gift with us—from, of all places, a children’s story about a daddy and his child.
Children are a joy and gift, but one that also requires patience. They ask endless questions. Their energy is infectious but not often well-directed. They are easily distracted and full of chatter. But, the father in this children’s book is unhurried, lingering and watching as his child explores their world with awe, curiosity, and sometimes confusion. He doesn’t tune out the ramblings of his child but listens with great joy to the stories and questions others might consider trivial or an intrusion in more important matters.
Our process of growing in Christ's image is often like this, too. My spiritual walk has not been a straight line from point A to point B, and yours likely hasn’t either. It has been much more like a meandering—sometimes zigging left, other times zagging right. Sometimes, it is circular, reflecting those times when we are confused, lost, or searching. Other times, it is jagged, illustrating times of rich growth or agonizing wrestling. Sometimes, when we are distracted by many things, it appears stagnant. And through it all, God is patient, lingering with us and listening to us along our slow walk of transformation.
Are you afraid that God will grow impatient with your pace? Look how patient he was with his disciples: Peter’s impulsiveness; James and John’s jockeying for positions of honor; Thomas’ doubt; Martha and Mary’s grief; none fully understood what he was trying to teach them. But through it all, he was committed to them—teaching them, walking with them, answering their questions, and loving them.
Growing in spiritual maturity is often messy and clumsy, much like young children growing up. It’s a slow and tedious process. You may be frustrated with the pace or progress of your spiritual walk, but Jesus is unhurried. He is patient and committed. He listens to your questions and your stories. He is not impatiently rushing you along but slowly walking alongside you as you learn to navigate life and faith in a beautiful and broken world.
As you continue along the path toward spiritual maturity, remember that God is not waiting at the finish line, tapping His foot impatiently. Instead, he's right beside you—through every slow, clumsy step—walking you all the way home.
3. “From my unformed body to my glorified body, Jesus sees me and is writing my story.”
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my body. Somehow, she has never measured up to the standard set for her—whether mine or someone else’s. The version of me at twenty is the version my thirty-year-old self longed for. My forty-year-old self looked back on pictures of me at thirty and wished she still looked like that. And now, at fifty-one, I yearn for what I was in my forties. And so the cycle goes on.
Being embodied is not for the weak at heart; it is complex in both form and function. Navigating a world so focused on outward appearance, especially when standards of beauty are constantly changing, is challenging. Likewise, inhabiting a body that bears the brokenness of the curse is no easy task. Embodiment involves not only our struggle with sin but also with suffering.
We live in bodies that have been mocked, bullied, abused, rejected, or neglected by others.
We bear in our flesh the scars of others’ sins against us. We wrestle with bodies that don’t always function as they should: muscles that atrophy, immune systems that falter or even fight against us, bones that grow brittle and break, lungs that gasp for air, and minds that slowly give way to age.
When my friend, Suzanne, said, “From my unformed body to my glorified body, Jesus sees me and is writing my story,” I felt I had never heard a truer, more hope-filled, Gospel-saturated statement. Even now, as I type those words, I want to breathe them in and allow them to permeate every cell with life-giving truth.
Being embodied is indeed challenging. And yet, whether you are navigating a complex relationship with your body or with your story, the good news is this: from beginning to end, from conception to glory, Jesus is intimately engaged.
Wherever you are on your journey with your body and your story, remember that you are seen, known, and deeply loved by Jesus. Your body, with all its perceived flaws and real struggles, is a sacred space where God's story intersects with yours. You can embrace it with gentleness and grace, knowing that Jesus is crafting a narrative far more beautiful than you can imagine. Your body's story doesn't end with its current chapter; it is heading toward a glorious transformation guided by the loving hand of Christ himself.
The Power of Community
I am profoundly thankful for how Jesus has used community in my life. I am who I am, in large part, because of the men and women who have invested in me through the years: those who have listened to all my joys, sorrows, struggles, and hurt; those who have fought for truth with and for me; those who have encouraged, comforted, and strengthened me; those who have shared their own fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities, sin, and shame with me; those who have listened and lingered with me.
Jesus is our only hope for salvation, but he has given us one another as companions for the journey. We need others to see us, listen to us, and literally love us into who we are becoming—those who reflect Christ's grace, mercy, and power.
Updates on The Wholehearted Project:
Body Matters: A Book on Embodiment
Body Matters is now on Amazon, and it has a brand new, beautifully designed cover by my talented friend, Madei Click. I wrote Body Matters in 2015 after spending a year researching, focus groups, and teaching a conference on the complexities of being embodied in our broken world. Since then, I have continued to learn so much about what it means to be embodied, the impact of trauma on our bodies, and the hope Jesus holds out to us. One day in the near future, I plan to write an updated, expanded edition of Body Matters. But for now, you can find her here.
Note: If you are a church leader or interested in leading a small group, please email me at ccole@thewholeheartedproject.com, and I will provide additional resources for your groups.
Songs of the Soul: Encountering The Wholehearted Faith of the Psalmists
This is (hopefully) the first of five books on the Psalms. Book 1 will cover the first 30 Psalms. The psalms give us the clearest picture of wholehearted intimacy with the Lord. This book aims to journey alongside the psalmists and help us toward a more wholehearted faith. The book is 60% completed and must undergo the editing and design phase before a projected 2025 release.
An Invitation to Lament and Gratitude
Gratitude is giving God my thanks, and lament is giving God my pain. These spiritual practices allow us to experience a deeper connection with God. This project began with the labors of my friend Ruthie Delk. We have now undertaken a revision as a joint project and hope to have it released by the end of this year.
Thank you!
Though The Wholehearted Project is not a 501c3, the money you donate goes toward creating and providing resources to help believers Engage the Scriptures, Explore Their Stories, Encounter Jesus, and Experience His Care. Thank you to those who have chosen to give one-time and those who support through monthly gifts. I am deeply grateful!
If you are interested in contributing financially or by providing a service (copyediting, design, test reading, etc.) to any of these upcoming projects, please reach out to me at ccole@thewholeheartedproject.com, or you can give through one of the channels listed below.
Love you guys,
CC
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